Lately I have been finding different reasons to compare this pregnancy to my pregnancy with Madison, I think this is mainly because both pregnancies had their share of issues (single artery cord or intrauterine growth syndrome) but also because I am curious as to what we are having.. boy or girl. So I have compared symptoms, how I am carrying, what kind of aches and pains etc..
I have come up with some different reasons why this pregnancy is almost easier in a way but also I looked at what made me so miserable while pregnant with Madison.
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| 34 weeks with Madison and 34 weeks with current pregnancy. |
My pregnancy with Madison started in a very hard time for me.. we had just suffered our second miscarriage and we were in a place of "if it happens it happens. I honestly was NOT expecting it to happen so quickly. This pregnancy started in a good place, we had a happy healthy 1.5yr old and we were ready to try again not just "if it happens" but we were actually tracking everything and trying.
I think mentally I was in a MUCH better spot this time then I was with Madison.
I will admit I don't think I was emotionally ready to be pregnant again within 2 months of losing a baby. I had a lot of fears going into the pregnancy and that made it much harder to actually celebrate the pregnancy!
I was also unhappy with a lot of things in my life at that point .. I was working as nanny, something I had done for years and loved, but there was I was taking care of some one else's child when I was getting ready to have my own. I knew I didn't want to be a nanny anymore. I think that contributed to what I would call my "pregnancy depression". I wasn't happy to wake up everyday and go to work!
I was also unhappy because here was this amazing thing happening and my family lived 6hrs away and wasn't close by to celebrate or go through it with me. Not having my mom there made it very difficult for me. I was lucky to have such amazing support from my husband and in-laws and friends but nothing compares to your mom. :)
This time around I am in a career that I LOVE! I am excited when I go into work. It makes me sad thinking that in 2 weeks I will be done work for a bit! I am currently working at a preschool as a substitute, but I am also a co-teacher for math and science. I am not full time so I still get to spend time with Madison and have sometime to myself. I wake up and get ready everyday and I get dressed in things other than yoga pants and a sweater. I can do my hair and make up and feel good about myself because I know I will be in public and not sitting in someones house for 9 hours getting spit up on!
I have come to accept the fact that my family is never going to be able to here for everything and I am fine with that! I think my pregnancy with Madison made me realize I can do things without my mom!
There were SO many unknowns and questions with my first pregnancy, and yes there are still unknowns and questions this time around but I know there are things I can control and things I can't.
While pregnant with Madison my concerns were:
- Is Chris going to be accepting of my new body and my moods and emotions?
- What kind of a mother would I be?
- What kind of a father would Chris be?
- What is labor like?
- Would Chris and other family members be supportive of my choice to breastfeed? (it ended up not working out for medical reasons)
- Would Chris and I be stronger because of this or weaker?
I had so many other questions but those were the big ones, and clearly I don't need to be worried about those things now because I know the answers. My family and Chris were more then supportive of any decision that I made. Chris and I are stronger then ever! Labor.. well that was a treat ;)
I know that no labor is the same as the last so I know as much as I want to get my epidural and just have this baby that may not happen. Something may happen and c-section might be necessary, but I am much calmer this time going into everything knowing that I made it through the last one!
Physically there has been a MASSIVE difference. I wasn't working out or as concerned about my health and fitness before I got pregnant with Madison and I really believe it was because I was still mourning the loss of our second baby. I was eating whatever looked good because I was so sick and whenever I could eat it would be the quickest, easiest and usually the most unhealthy thing possible. I didn't workout during that pregnancy because I was nervous anything would cause a miscarriage... bad idea!
I gained 52 lbs!
This time I was exercising ALOT before we decided to try again I was 10lbs away from being my pre-Madison weight! Once I found out I was expecting I continued to exercise but just took it a little easier. I had just started to really enjoy running and had signed up for a 5k color run, so I continued to walk and run. When it came time for the run I was 14 weeks along and was battling horrible morning sickness. I completed the run, while walking a bit, but still completed it!
I continued to exercise and eat healthy until it got a little to cold to take Madison out for walks and then I just made sure to eat healthy!
So far with 6 weeks left I have gained 18 lbs (was 20lbs but I lost 2 somehow). Both the baby and I are healthy and I am NOT concerned with the number on the scale, but with how I feel.
I feel much happier this time because I am not concerned with the gain!
I know that after I have this baby I will be in a better place to begin the fun weight loss process again because I have stayed healthy this time! My only vice has been diet pepsi (caffeine free).
Over all I feel like this pregnancy has been the exact opposite from the first and I really do believe that it is because of my mental and physical state going into it!
I am truly blessed to have such a supportive husband who also makes sure to tell me I look beautiful and makes me feel special. Even on days I feel miserable because the baby is just putting a lot pressure on my sciatic nerve, or I am just exhausted I know that no matter what I have someone who will always make the situation better.
Here's hoping for a happy and healthy 6 weeks :)
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